The craziest thing about people wanting to be in control of everything is often the very thing they want to control isn’t really theirs to control in the first place.
Control is such a relative term too. Because you can try to control so many aspects of your life, your kids’ lives and maybe even your spouse’s life if he or she will let you. But what I’ve learned in my relatively short life is nothing is truly within our control.
You can control what clothes you wear to work. You can control what food you put in your mouth. You can control whether you wake up in the morning and go exercise or just sleep an extra hour or two. Those are just a few of the actual things that you can truly control.
But why do people really feel the need to want to control everything? What does that achieve? Innerpeace? The feeling of dominance over other people? Most likely not, because it has got to just cause a lot of headaches, pressure, stress and the absolute exhaustion of always having your nose stuck in places that it probably doesn’t really need to be in the first place.
I have to admit it’s easy for me to want to control my children’s actions in public places and hope that they will behave like little angels. But the reality of the matter is they are 2 and 4, and acting like wild animals in little boy bodies is more likely what is going to happen than that perfect angel BS. When I was unemployed, I would stress myself out to the point of sweating profusely and headaches when I took the boys out in public and they were absolutely horrible – screaming, crying, whining, grabbing everything in sight, running amok and having eight million arms moving a million miles a minute. And that’s all in the first five minutes of walking into any store. But in the giant scheme of things, who really cares?
Same goes with my kids’ playroom that usually appears much like a bomb testing site or as if a sudden earthquake just occurred under the floor of only that room. But I’ve had to let the rationale go that it must always be neat and tidy because who really cares. Other than when people are coming over to the house, but then again most people know we have two small children too. I’ve literally had to take deep breaths as I pass by the room because my anxiety about the mess can sometimes be too overwhelming to take. Neat freak, yes. A little on the OCD side, yes. But control freak, no that is not something that I’ve ever heard as a description of myself.
I know that in no way are my kids the worst behaved kids on the planet. And for the most part, they are just being little boys who are constantly moving, busy and don’t want to miss a single thing happening around them. Hell, we could all stand to learn from toddlers, who are so busy because they are so worried they are going to miss something. While as adults, we are more content sitting at a table, letting the world pass us by while we play on our phones or check Facebook for the millionth or maybe even billionth time in the last hour. Life is too damn short to worry about trying to control everything happening around you. And what is the true point anyway?
But then when you see someone willingly allowing their lives to be controlled and you are left powerless to the fact that maybe the control they are under is, well, a bit misguided. That is the type of control, or should I say, lack of control that can leave a person feeling powerless, limited and anxious. But in those situations, a person is only left with one real option when it comes to a loved one – continue to love them no matter what choices they are making, or what choices are being made for them. Because the hope is eventually they will see the light for themselves and figure out the right path to be taken and the right decisions to be made.
Control is a funny word because it carries so many responsibilities and connotations. No one wants to be called a controlling person, while at the same time, no one really wants to be called a push over at the same time either. And control freaks are often categorized with people who need to have everything in order when it comes to every aspect of their lives such as work, homes, families, etc. And then there are the actual people who are in control and they are given the responsibility to make the decisions for not only themselves but everyone they are over too.
Anyway, the whole point of this week’s blog post is about realizing that wanting to be in control of a situation that was never mine to control in the first place is completely insane. Because what’s the definition of insanity – doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. And in this particular situation, I never stood a chance because too many factors, people, lies and misconceptions stand in the way of making a good decision over one that’s already being made for someone else without any effort or real responsibility.
In the large scheme of things, taking control of my own life and making sure I’m making the right decisions for my children is enough responsibility for me every single day. So stressing over the things that were never mine to control or even have a say in shouldn’t even cause me to lose a minute of sleep because life is much too short. And we, as a family, understand that far too well and continue to live with that notion every minute of our lives.