All I want for Christmas… (a grown-up Christmas list)

Remember being so excited to write a Christmas list for your parents when you were young? Putting everything and the kitchen sink on it, hoping most of it would be wrapped under the tree on Christmas morning.

At 46, my ‘list’ is filled with either ideas or items that are extremely too expensive to buy and have adorned with a bow under my tree. As an adult, it’s times like these when I really wished the existence of an old man in the red suit, rosy red cheeks, white snowy beard, and a love for reindeer was real.

Looking at my life, I know I am blessed. We have everything we need. We are healthy. My kids are amazing, while my granddaughters are even more adorable each time I’m with them.

As I get older, Christmas has another meaning. The magic of the season is seen more now through the eyes of our children, grandchildren, nieces, and nephews. The spirit of the holidays can be overshadowed by stress and confusion. The joy and cheer of it are often replaced with sadness and longing for those no longer with us.

All I want for Christmas this year is:

• a little peace of mind,
• a moment or two of relaxation,
• a taste of childhood wonder,
• 10-15 minutes of pure relief from the pain and grief that is never far from my thoughts,
• enough happiness and self-confidence to last throughout the next year,
• the strength to always believe in myself,
• the ability to feel beautiful and courageous in my own skin,
• the fortitude to take those daunting chances that could change my life,
• work harder as a parent to guide my kids with a more steady calm voice and less like a fire-breathing dragon,
• and the hope that miracles do exist and one (or two) may find its way to my doorstep.

With age, our need for actual presents under the tree becomes less. Even though I won’t lie, opening a present or two on Christmas morning is nice while your kids are racing through theirs. What can I say? I’m still a child at heart.

I remember Cabbage Patch Kids, Carebears, Madame Alexander dolls, a three-story dollhouse, Pinky, my giant pink Teddy bear that I took everywhere I went as a child, a Nintendo and many other childhood presents I opened on Christmas day.

Now, as my kids get older, their ‘lists’ get more expensive, while all year round, we are paying for their sports, out-of-town tournaments/meets, hotels, tournament or meet gear, new equipment, etc. We want our kids to have what they need to excel, but they have more than they would ever want. For parents like us, there is a belief that you want to be able to provide your kids with more than you ever had, but is that really necessary when we turned out well?

Nowadays, we have competitive sports. And geez, the bills keep getting larger, the calendar keeps filling up, and free time is something I hear about and often wonder what this mythical thing is. People always tell us how much we will miss the busy schedules, the cold sideline seats and blistering hot days at another swim meet. I’m sure we will, but right now, at this very moment, we’re so in the thick of it that missing it seems lightyears away. Even though I know it will be over in no time.

All this Mama probably truly needs this Christmas is about 48 hours of straight sleep, another 24 hours to clean the house from top to bottom, maybe even another 24 hours to do put-off laundry and then maybe another 24 to 48 hours to detox from life and hide from the world.

Each of us has our own grown-up Christmas list. May everyone find what you wish for this year under your Christmas tree and in your heart.