Everything Seems Harder These Days

Everything seems harder today when it comes to work, life and everything in between. And, no, I’m trying not to be a whiny baby or complain that life has wronged me or even that I demand to be treated more fairly. I grew up in the 80s, so I know I would’ve been eaten up and spit out if I had acted like a snowflake back then, and today would be no different. 

But, these days everything just seems harder… to be a woman, to be a man, to be human… and every other responsibility that falls under all of that in today’s world. 

Recently, my youngest son and I watched the Barbie movie. I’m usually months, even years behind, when it comes to award-winning movies, books, musicals, and TV shows. I had already listened to America Ferrera’s monologue scene from the movie about the struggles women face today. 

Yet, as I watched it in the movie for the first time, tears streamed down my cheeks because the struggles are REAL. The problems every one of us feels can often be so difficult that it’s hard even to catch our breath, whether it’s out of anger, frustration, ignorance, sheer stupidity, or all of the above.

Honestly. I felt America’s monologue in my soul as I listened to her on the screen…

“You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.

But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line.”

Most days I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread, one screaming fit away from a full-blown mommy tantrum. My boys are probably waiting for my hair to set ablaze as my voice gets louder as my anger grows. Other days, I realize my life is one giant messy calendar filled with appointments, meetings, deadlines, practices, games, meets and volunteer commitments I can’t say no to.    

Every day, I try not to second quess myself but more often than not I tend to talk myself out of every decision I make. It’s not unusual for me to feel lesser than everyone in the room especially a space filled with people I think are more important, more powerful and definitely above my paygrade. Then when it comes to motherhood, I wonder daily if I’m doing right by my kids and not screwing them up horribly for the future.

The end of America’s monologue from Barbie is also strikingly familiar in most women’s lives and also struck deep in my heart. 

“It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.”

Every day, women like me struggle to find their way in their professional career, their personal life, and every other nook and cranny life shoves in our faces.  

I can’t even pinpoint the time and place in my life when it all started – the second-guessing, the low self-esteem, and the lack of self-worth. When my walls started going up, my doubts doubled, and my beliefs that maybe I’m not as good as I believed started emasculating. As the years passed, I continued to grow professionally, eventually becoming a leader despite my own self-sabotage. Every day, I strive to become the leader I always wanted to be – a servant leader who develops and cultivates her team members while sitting next to them rather than only leading them. But the hatred, the backstabbing, the rumors, and the lack of communication persisted in causing my life to be completely derailed, leading me down another path and allowing me to take a new direction with a fresh perspective. 

But, when did adulting become so hard in general? I remember watching my parents make it look so easy. I knew we weren’t rich, but I don’t ever remember them ever complaining about money in front of us or even showing worry about it either. 

When I was young, I always wondered what it would be like to be older. Now, at 46, I only wish I was young again with no responsibilities, no debt, and no reasons to be worried. 

Adulting these days just stinks, whether a man or a woman. Often, a woman can literally be feeling at her wit’s end, only wanting a little help and someone to notice the pain in her eyes and the despair in her voice. For a man, the stress of never showing weakness but never being too masculine. If you’re a father, you should provide for your family while still being attentive, present and engaged. In most households today, a two-income family is the norm because, let’s face it, everything is more expensive, and nothing is getting any cheaper. Fathers and mothers’ sole purpose must be their family while also dealing with their full-time jobs, while sometimes juggling 2-3 jobs to make ends meet, while still making it to every game, every meeting, every birthday party, and volunteering for every event. 

al childhood… whatever that means today. 

Does anyone know when we became this society of haters? I know there are so many more people in this world that live for the common good. However, hatred, gross mistrust, and fear of the unknown often overshadow it. More and more people are only out for themselves. Women haters, man-haters, racists, homophobes, stereotypes, racial profiling, ethnic cleansing… What happened to one world? One love? Be humble and kind? Do unto others as you would have done to you? I never want to be the type of person who condemns someone for their sex, race, or sexual orientation. And we’ve continued to fight against the norm to raise our children this way, too, since the minute they were born. 

Like I said, everything seems harder today for everyone.