Getting through an hour without you seemed impossible at first. How in the world then could we have made it through the last 10 years without you?
Life has a way of moving forward without us having much control over it. In the beginning, it was about learning to survive and make it through another day with more smiles and fewer tears. And then it became apparent that life was going to keep moving whether we liked it or not.
After losing a child, all of us hoped our life would not always be underlined with sorrow and grief. Then we were left with the idea of having to just figure out our lives despite this gut feeling that would never go away. Something would always be missing. Someone would always be missing. There would always be a hole in our hearts and our lives, no matter what we did. It was what it was.
Over time though, one incredible thing happened that we could not deny… we weren’t just surviving anymore, we were living. Maybe it was a gift from above. Maybe it was a gift from Timothy, himself, our guardian angel. Maybe it was life just being life.
Looking back over the last 10 years, we know if we would’ve just let life pass us by, we would’ve missed out on so many memories, so many opportunities and so many chances to just take the leap.
In his 18 years of life, Timothy touched so many lives. People whose lives were forever altered with his untimely death on June 14, 2009, but since then those lives have also been blessed with weddings, new babies, new jobs, new starts across the country, new homes, new friends, and much much more. The beauty of life happens when we stop letting our sorrow consume us and allow happiness to engross our lives.
Of course, not a day goes by where I am not left wondering if life would’ve had a different plan for Timothy, how his life would’ve turned out. Where would he be today? What career would he have chosen? Would he be married? Would he be a father? One thing I do know for sure, he would still be as loved as he is today by the many people who wish God’s plan would’ve been different for him.
As the faded keychain says that I always carry with me now reads,
“I loved you yesterday. I love you still. I always have. I always will.”
(Courtesy of the Indiana Donor Network)
I miss your smile. I miss your laugh. I miss your friendship. I miss you.
My continued promise to you, Sweetheart, is I will continue to live, not just survive. Every day, I will strive to be a better mom, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, friend, and most of all, a better human. I will celebrate life in your memory, as will the many others who still think about you on a regular basis because we are only given one life and yours was cut way too short.
Please keep a watchful eye over your brothers, your sister, and your niece. Blow kisses from heaven as often as you can. Always remember you are never far from our hearts and minds, Sweetheart.