The Compromise of Marriage

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Since the moment I said “I do” eight years ago, my life has changed more in the fact that some of the scenery is different but not so much the life that we started together. Some of the friends we had then are no longer in our lives, new jobs, my stepson is gone and a little more noisier with two small children in the house.

The 24-7 Married Bliss Myth

In today’s society, there are so many people looking for that 24-7 married bliss without any bumps in the road. But the moment it stops being all flowers and chocolates, then too many people decide to bail out like marriage is just a stunt car and it’s as easy to leave as saying,”tuck and roll.”

Marriage is about compromise, friendship, passion, supporting one another in the good, bad and horrible times, still remembering each other if/when you decide to have children and just keeping in mind that flowers and chocolates may end but there is often something better for those who are just patient.

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My husband and I could not be any more different. I talk a lot, him not so much. He works on cars all day no matter whether it’s 100-degrees or 0-degrees. And I work in an office and sit at a computer all day, writing, designing and often trying to accomplish a hundred things at the same time. I’m constantly smiling and laughing. My husband, well, he’s known more for being grumpy and angry most of the time.

He likes the more dangerous things in life – motorcycles, wakeboarding, kneeboarding, jetskiis, four-wheeling, fast boats, doing backflips off cliffs, walking the rafters in gymnasiums and so many other things that make my heart drop in my stomach every time he does them. Me, I like the relaxing side of things – reading books, watching movies, having drinks on a patio on a cool summer night, writing, swimming, the beach, a baseball game every now and then, massages, manicures/pedicures and a few other things too.

We may have completely different personalities/interests and even be 10 years apart in age, but it may just be our differences that tie us together. For the most part, we have found a way to compromise when it comes to our differences and learned to figure out how to deal with them and just make them work in our favor.

Marriage is not about who can overshadow who, who can be better than the other or who can hurt the other the most. In today’s society, it is a journey that many people take, but only the strong, open-minded and blessed couples are the ones who are able to stay together for the long haul and are willing to make it work.

The Compromise of Marriage

Marriage is truly a compromise. Not meaning that one person must compromise themselves for the betterment of their spouse, but instead it is a compromise that is meant to help each other grow to become better people and in turn a better couple and then possibly later better parents.

No one should ever have to give up who they are, what they enjoy or even become a servant to their spouse. But instead find ways to support one another’s dreams and aspirations, helping each other reach those dreams and realize the potential the two of you have together is often stronger than you are apart.

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Eight years ago, I walked down an aisle in a church that was filled with our closest  friends and family toward my future husband. Our wedding party stood next to us on the altar, while we said our vows. At our reception, we were greeted by family who put leis around our necks before we entered the hall where we would experience one of the most memorable nights of our lives.

There have been rough times, sad times and straight out of hell times, but I can honestly say that there have been so many good times when my sides have been left hurting for days from laughter, when I feel like the only woman in the room because he loves me that much and the numerous precious blessings I have received after all the pain and suffering finally fall away to find that life is still moving and flourishing.

A Simple Q&A on the Last Eight Years

Has our life been all flowers and chocolates?  No, but there’s more to life than flowers and chocolates

Has there been pain, sorrow, arguments and disappointment?  Sure, but if you’re strong enough to endure it, then seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is so worth it

Have the memories made over the last eight years been worth it?  Absolutely, I would not trade them for the world

What would I change about the last eight years?  I would remember to take better care of myself. I would’ve tried to keep my stepson from going away that weekend six years ago when he went four-wheeling and never came home. I would’ve written the book(s) I’ve always wanted to write sooner. I would’ve tried to make more time for just us. I would’ve tried to figure out this whole time management thing to have more time with my husband and my kids.

How do you see the future?  One day at a time. And the same way I’ve seen it over the last eight years – there is not a single moment in my life that I don’t want to experience without my husband whether he’s holding my hand, has his arm around my shoulder or just standing by my side, facing the future together.

Marriage is a compromise that’s worth making and taking that chance if you truly love the person standing next to you.

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